There is an infamous Parsley plant that sits on my windowsill.
It's infamous because, well, it's usually dead.
In my moments of dedication and resolve to be a dutiful plant mom, my Parsley thrives. Inevitably, however, I forget to water the needy thing for even a day or two, and my once vibrant plant becomes limp and lifeless.
Plants have a resiliency that astounds me. It doesn't matter how long it has been since I have watered my sad, tumbleweed-like Parsley, once I began watering the cracked soil, new green sprouts raise their arms above the dirt as a celebration of their new life.
That's kind of been the mantra of my life recently.
The months leading up to my college graduation, I had my life mapped out. I decided I would move back to Evansville where I had attended college. I would work for a year, maybe two, at Redeemer Fellowship, the church I had been a member of during college, working in women's ministry.
From there I would get a master's degree in ministry, maybe English, maybe poetry, I hadn't decided yet.
Then, and only then, would I venture to leave the country to pursue my dream of telling others about Christ across borders.
My plans were carefully and lovingly chosen, logical and comfortable.
Immediately following my graduation, I flew to a missions conference in Kusel, Germany. I agreed to attend the conference thinking I would be surrounded by students my age who were just scoping out the whole missionary thing. I figured my time in Germany would be something I looked back on in five years, preparing to leave the country, after I completed my checklist.
Then I met David and Sarah who talked passionately about their ministry in Brazil. I found myself spending my spare time asking them hundreds of questions about Brazil, their vision, their ministry, and their hearts.
Looking back, I shouldn't have been surprised when they invited me to join their team in Brazil for a couple years, and I shouldn't have been surprised when my answer, without hesitation, was a resounding yes.
Saying yes meant more than signing two years of my life to another country. It meant the plans I absolutely loved had to change.
Every single meticulously written out plan I had previously made at that point changed during those ten days in Germany.
Life became heavy after that.
I had moved in with my sister for the summer, and returning from Germany, I thought I could somehow make all my plans mesh together. Maybe I could still do it all.
I continued to look for apartments in Evansville, thinking I could still do the women's ministry while I prepared to go to Brazil.
Then one fateful day my car's head gasket blew. The cost was more than my car was worth, and so my car was sold as scrap metal.
Money was already tight for an apartment before that, not having a car made that plan impossible.
So I did the only thing I could do, I moved back home and got a job at a local coffee shop. Life started to feel dry during those months trying to save money. Life felt lifeless and disappointing. My friends were hundreds of miles away, I was being dropped off and picked up from work, and the promise of Brazil seemed millions of years away.
I missed my old life. I missed the life I had planned to live.
What I hadn't realized yet, what I am realizing now, is that this is one of the most transformative times of my life. It's been testing, strengthening and equipping.
God, in his immeasurable love and grace, placed my life, the life I cherished, in the flames.
Every day, the flames burn away parts of me, the parts of me and my now old life, that couldn't come with me to the new life. For anyone who has been there, it's an incredibly somber time. I have mourned each piece that has drifted from me in smoke.
But for each piece of me that I have lost, every aspect of my life I thought I couldn't live without, the Lord has brought new joys, new green sprouts raising their joyful little hands above clumpy earth.
We just began reading James in a women's Bible study that I lead on Tuesday nights. Together we read that we should consider it "pure joy" when we face trials and hard seasons of life because we know the testing of our faith "develops perseverance" which "must finish its work so that you may be mature, not lacking in anything" (James 1:2-4).
The Lord is preparing me for Brazil in ways that I don't understand yet, in ways no ministry position or training conference ever could. He sees with perfect clarity all that I lack and is diligent in making me a useful tool for his work.
I always thought it was a little bit of a cliche when people said, "the Lord doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called," but that has been the reality of my life this past 6 months.
Now, I find myself working at a coffee shop with people who make me laugh so much I get stomach cramps. I find myself working at an elementary school as an aide helping students who struggle in math just like I once did.
I find myself able to spend every Tuesday evening with women who needed community and encouragement just as much as I did.
I find myself having the privilege to reach out to fellow believers and talk to them about the opportunity the Lord has given me in Brazil and how they can join me on the path the Lord has placed my shaking feet.
I find myself standing at the end of the life I once knew, and the beginning of the life I have never known. It's terrifying, beautiful and there isn't anything like it. My prayer is that you would be able to find yourself at such a crossroad.
No, it won't be easy. Most days you won't be sure you can keep moving. But can I tell you a secret? There isn't anything like the joy you find on the other side.
