The Walking in Between

Worship night for our Young Adult ministry 18:20--the name is inspired 

from Matthew 18:20 which says: "where two or three gather in my name there I am with them." 

Ben Rector's The Walking in Between album came out when I was in high school. 

In his song "I like You" he sings: "There are way too many love songs, and I think they've got it all wrong 'cause life is not the mountain tops, it's the walking in between and I like you walking next to me."

This song wasn't intended to be a love song to God, but that's what it has become to me. 

As I am at the beginning of my fourth month of support raising, this song, long since tucked away in old memory boxes covered in dust, has found its way into the forefront of my mind.

This hasn't been a mountain top season. 

I have called churches who inform me they don't have the funds to support another missionary.

I have sat through meetings with people who I was sure would be excited about how the Lord was working in my life, only to be met with skepticism and cynicism. What was supposed to be an encouraging conversation and an invitation to join me in the ministry turned into an interrogation and a departure that left me feeling very, very small. 

The funds and support I thought God would open up the floodgates and pour down from heaven have trickled slowly, patiently, and in his own timing. 

But to each small group I have visited so far, to every individual meeting I have made, to every church I have presented at, there God has been holding my hand, walking beside me. 

I think God has us do things the hard way sometimes, not because he doesn't have the power to do things quickly or miraculously, but because he desires for us to grow in abiding in him, to grow in trusting him, and to grow in relationship with him. 

We think walking with God is comprised of these incredible highs or incredible lows. Yes, God is present when we hit rock bottom. Yes, God is present when we watch him move in awe inspiring ways that showcase his glory and power. 

I have watched him move in powerful ways. I have watched God respond to prayers quickly and with great gusto. 

God literally placed the opportunity of going to Brazil in my lap. I prayed about an open door into missions when I left for Kusel, Germany and within days of the conference I had already been extended an invitation to join David and Sarah in Arcoverde, Pernambuco Brazil. 

But what about the walking in between? 

Yes, God is present in the walking in between. He's present when it feels like nothing is moving, nothing is happening and life is just one day after the next of the same tired thing. 

At month four, I stand at almost 40% of my monthly goal. God has not been absent in this journey. He's been walking with me, encouraging me, and reminding me again and again that this is the path he has put me on. 

He's been prompting the hearts of those who hear my story, and I thank God for their obedience to that prompting and their generosity to his kingdom. God takes great delight in an obedient, cheerful, giving heart. 

But I would be lying if I said that I feel encouraged in his timing every day. Most days, I feel discouraged. Most days, I feel that God is moving too slowly. Most days, I feel like my efforts aren't really amounting to much. 

In these four months, I have been to almost seven small groups at my church, had over 20 individual meetings, and presented at two churches. I have been met with love, enthusiasm and encouragement. 

If you had asked me before I started this journey, I would have assumed after all that work I would be fully funded. I would have assumed after going to seven small groups, two churches and meeting with more than 20 people individually, I would have raised every penny I needed. 

Instead, I have been walking slowly with Christ, watching his patient, careful work. 

I have watched Christ prompt hearts of those I never asked. 

I have watched Christ prompt the heart of a family who hasn't been going to my church long at all, to invite me in their home, make a Brazilian meal for my presentation, ask questions, and commit to supporting me on a monthly basis. 

I have watched Christ prompt the pastors in my church to invite me to be a missions intern for the summer at my church.

I have watched Christ prompt my own heart to be present now, to minister now, to teach and reach out and love my neighbors now. He's taught me to slow down, be patient, and to watch him work.   

The women's bible study we started in August with two women has now grown to nine. 

The young adult ministry 18:20 we began with four has now grown to thirteen. 

There are days when I feel so astonished at the work he has been able to do in my time home. He has given me encouraging, beautiful friendships I never could have asked for. He has given me opportunities to serve, encourage and pour into others. He has given me the opportunity to be refined, challenged and grown. 

I have been challenged to pray more often, more specifically, and to pray with more faith. I pray that the Lord will bring alongside me faithful partners in ministry, those who will commit to pray and fund. 

I am praying for five more partners in ministry this month. 

I am praying for a chance to speak at 3 more churches this month.

Please join me in praying. 

If you feel led to join me in this ministry go to https://www.abwe.org/work/missionaries-and-projects?s=sarah%20rogers 

The Ending, The Beginning

There is an infamous Parsley plant that sits on my windowsill. 

It's infamous because, well, it's usually dead. 

In my moments of dedication and resolve to be a dutiful plant mom, my Parsley thrives. Inevitably, however, I forget to water the needy thing for even a day or two, and my once vibrant plant becomes limp and lifeless. 

Plants have a resiliency that astounds me. It doesn't matter how long it has been since I have watered my sad, tumbleweed-like Parsley, once I began watering the cracked soil, new green sprouts raise their arms above the dirt as a celebration of their new life. 

That's kind of been the mantra of my life recently. 

The months leading up to my college graduation, I had my life mapped out. I decided I would move back to Evansville where I had attended college. I would work for a year, maybe two, at Redeemer Fellowship, the church I had been a member of during college, working in women's ministry. 

From there I would get a master's degree in ministry, maybe English, maybe poetry, I hadn't decided yet. 

Then, and only then, would I venture to leave the country to pursue my dream of telling others about Christ across borders. 

My plans were carefully and lovingly chosen, logical and comfortable.  

Immediately following my graduation, I flew to a missions conference in Kusel, Germany. I agreed to attend the conference thinking I would be surrounded by students my age who were just scoping out the whole missionary thing. I figured my time in Germany would be something I looked back on in five years, preparing to leave the country, after I completed my checklist. 

Then I met David and Sarah who talked passionately about their ministry in Brazil. I found myself spending my spare time asking them hundreds of questions about Brazil, their vision, their ministry, and their hearts. 

Looking back, I shouldn't have been surprised when they invited me to join their team in Brazil for a couple years, and I shouldn't have been surprised when my answer, without hesitation, was a resounding yes. 

Saying yes meant more than signing two years of my life to another country. It meant the plans I absolutely loved had to change.

Every single meticulously written out plan I had previously made at that point changed during those ten days in Germany. 

Life became heavy after that. 

I had moved in with my sister for the summer, and returning from Germany, I thought I could somehow make all my plans mesh together. Maybe I could still do it all. 

I continued to look for apartments in Evansville, thinking I could still do the women's ministry while I prepared to go to Brazil. 

Then one fateful day my car's head gasket blew. The cost was more than my car was worth, and so my car was sold as scrap metal. 

Money was already tight for an apartment before that, not having a car made that plan impossible. 

So I did the only thing I could do, I moved back home and got a job at a local coffee shop. Life started to feel dry during those months trying to save money. Life felt lifeless and disappointing. My friends were hundreds of miles away, I was being dropped off and picked up from work, and the promise of Brazil seemed millions of years away. 

I missed my old life. I missed the life I had planned to live. 

What I hadn't realized yet, what  I am realizing now, is that this is one of the most transformative times of my life. It's been testing, strengthening and equipping. 

God, in his immeasurable love and grace, placed my life, the life I cherished, in the flames. 

Every day, the flames burn away parts of me, the parts of me and my now old life, that couldn't come with me to the new life. For anyone who has been there, it's an incredibly somber time. I have mourned each piece that has drifted from me in smoke.

But for each piece of me that I have lost, every aspect of my life I thought I couldn't live without, the Lord has brought new joys, new green sprouts raising their joyful little hands above clumpy earth. 

We just began reading James in a women's Bible study that I lead on Tuesday nights. Together we read that we should consider it "pure joy" when we face trials and hard seasons of life because we know the testing of our faith "develops perseverance" which "must finish its work so that you may be mature, not lacking in anything" (James 1:2-4). 

The Lord is preparing me for Brazil in ways that I don't understand yet, in ways no ministry position or training conference ever could. He sees with perfect clarity all that I lack and is diligent in making me a useful tool for his work. 

I always thought it was a little bit of a cliche when people said, "the Lord doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called," but that has been the reality of my life this past 6 months. 

Now, I find myself working at a coffee shop with people who make me laugh so much I get stomach cramps. I find myself working at an elementary school as an aide helping students who struggle in math just like I once did. 

I find myself able to spend every Tuesday evening with women who needed community and encouragement just as much as I did. 

I find myself having the privilege to reach out to fellow believers and talk to them about the opportunity the Lord has given me in Brazil and how they can join me on the path the Lord has placed my shaking feet. 

I find myself standing at the end of the life I once knew, and the beginning of the life I have never known. It's terrifying, beautiful and there isn't anything like it. My prayer is that you would be able to find yourself at such a crossroad. 

No, it won't be easy. Most days you won't be sure you can keep moving. But can I tell you a secret? There isn't anything like the joy you find on the other side.