And if I allow myself to start to think about the next five, six, or heaven forbid, seven miles, I panic. How could I possibly endure seven miles of all this annoying pain?
But then, I will myself to take deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth, I relax my shoulders and my muscles and decide to only think about the very next step. Can I make another step? Of course I can. Then one step becomes two which becomes five and ten, until next thing I know, I am no longer thinking about steps, but simply enjoying the wind on my face, finally having found my rhythm.
Life in ministry isn't far off from this.
Ministry starts out with a lot of idealism:
"I'm going to change the world!"
"Every day is going to be perfect because we're all Christians and why on Earth would we struggle with sin?"
"God is going to bless me every step of the way because I am walking in obedience to his will!"
"I am going to go full steam all the time and never feel tired because what is more energizing than a life of serving Christ?"
But then things settle, life becomes uncomfortable, we notice the small annoyances, and we begin to panic about SPENDING THE REST OF MY LIFE STUCK HERE!?
Of course, I have never, ever, not even once, thought something even remotely close to that. No, that would be silly. I really adore the speed bumps in the middle of the road that aren't painted so you can't see them at all and almost obliterate your car every time you go to the grocery store. I think it's really cute how in the summer you have a full-time job simply devoted to sweating profusely. I love playing this fun little game with motorcyclists called "Whoops, I almost killed you there" because they don't obey traffic laws and drive at neck-breaking speeds.
Jokes aside, the adjustment period can be really hard. The novelty wears off and things start to chafe.
Many days I find that I am just plain tired. I'm tired of having to use my brain on overdrive every day to do simple tasks. I'm tired of learning Portuguese. I'm tired of being away from my family and friends. And because I'm tired, the little things are starting to raise their annoying pipsqueak voices over the silliest things. How can you possibly raise the price of coconut oil 40 Reais from one week to the next? Are you out of your mind??! (And yes, this really did happen).
I just want to run back to familiarity. I just want to run back to comfort. I want my dad to pour me a hot cup of coffee in one of our GIANT AMERICAN MUGS, I want my feet to touch a surface that isn't sterile tile (wood, carpet, please, anything but tile), I want to drive down smooth paved roads and not hit a single speed bump, I want to sit in a group of people and listen to them talk without straining every muscle in my brain trying to decipher their conversation, I want to go to the grocery store and know that all the same food that was there last week will be there this week, and most of all, I want to eat something other than rice and beans for lunch.
But what happens when we decide to live our lives in comfort and familiarity? We never lace up our shoes, we never start running, and we never realize that this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad habit of running is actually the thing we love.
I'm not the only one who thinks running and ministry parallel one another. The Bible is full of imagery of runners being compared to Christians.
1 Corinthians 9:24 says: "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So, I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified."
Here, Paul is specifically talking about the race set before those in ministry, even more specifically pastors. He is emphasizing the importance of pastors running the Christian life well, to discipline themselves against sin and temptation that would make them hypocrites before their congregation, and ultimately disqualify them from being a pastor.
But this can also be applied to those in non-pastoral ministry positions and even Christians in general.
To be an athlete takes sacrifice. It means giving up time with your family and friends. It means having stricter guidelines and rules than the other people around you. It means that there are those you are competing against that are praying for your failure and actively putting obstacles in your way to keep you distracted and prevent you from finishing the race.
How accurately that describes this Christian life. How accurately that describes my life as a missionary.
You and I and every other Christian have an enemy that is doing everything he can to prevent us from finishing the race, to get us to decide it's too hard or too painful or the distractions sound a whole lot more enjoyable than running. He wants us to get entangled in sin. He wants us to become lazy. He wants us to decide that we aren't strong enough and God isn't big enough to help us finish.
And sometimes he wins. I've watched so many people I know and love walk away from the faith in pursuit of sin. They decide holiness is too hard. They decide God really isn't good and his way is really just restraining and evil. I've seen pastors leave churches and denounce the faith. I've watched those I care about become so lazy that they just sit down on the road and completely stop running. They say they're just catching their breath, that they'll start running in just a few minutes, and then they never do. They never start running again because the ease of sitting is much more alluring than the discipline of running.
2 Timothy 4:3-4 warns us of this: "For a time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from truth and turn aside to myths."
So, we should not be surprised when this happens. When those who claimed to be Christians are revealed for what they have always been. When people walk away and give into to their desires, selfishness and sin. We should take this as a warning that we are not above being tempted and falling away in the same way.
Verse 5 continues on saying: "But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry."
So how do we keep from giving up, falling away, and being disqualified from the race? Keeping our mind saturated in truth so it does not become confused by half-truths and deceiving lies from the world and the enemy, endure the hardship that comes from ministry and life in general by crying out to God when our flesh is weak and we don't have the physical strength to keep running, and continue doing the work--don't sit down, don't make a pit stop on your run to Denny's for pancakes and shakes--keep running, keep serving, keep being faithful.
So, even though I find myself tired, annoyed and longing for the comforts of familiarity, I will keep running this race because the minor pains now aren't even worth comparing to that feeling of euphoria when I reach home again.
And this time it won't be euphoria that lasts 15 minutes, but euphoria that will last forever.
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day--and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing" (2 Timothy 4:7-8).
You are loved and you are not alone,
S
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